World Weary

If I have no special reason for being here, if I am not called upon for some purpose, then I pray for an end to this half of existence so that I may begin the next. I am sick of the tortures that my soul is constantly placed under, and I am weary of the cross I bear and would like to set it down.


Without pain there can be no pleasure, maybe this agony enriches my life?

With the challenges I face in life, there is definitely a reason why I am still alive when my father and my little sister are not.

Sunday School

So… Ephesians 5:22 “wives, submit to your husbands”, Et Cetera. There’s a grain of “women are highly individual beautiful creatures, and men just try to use them all the time” deeply rooted in society today, but that’s not true. Men and women both are highly individual, beautiful creatures, and to understand this verse (and not be hatin’ on the Bible) you have to see where it came from.

The society that this was written for was severely patriarchal, women had virtually no rights when married, and all their earning power was from getting married. Men were the providers of the family, and because of that they were the head of the family, and as such, they were in charge. Therefore isn’t it reasonable to ask for obediance from the people you are providing food, water, a home, and comfort for? In today’s society there are plenty of men who make far less than their wives, in that case it should be “husbands, submit to your wives”, and there are also many couples who are evenly yoked economically, and in that case it should be “husband and wife, submit to each other”. The person who provides for the family should be the head of the household, “just as Christ is the head of the Church”


Tell me what I’m supposed to do,
With all these left over feelings of you;
‘Cause I don’t know

And tell me how I’m supposed to feel,
When all these nightmares become real;
‘Cause I don’t know

And I don’t think you see the places inside me that I find you,
And I don’t know how we separate the lies here from the truth;
And I don’t know how we woke up one day and somehow thought we knew
Exactly what we’re supposed to do.

So leave me at the roadside,
And hang me up and down to dry;
So leave me at the roadside,
And hang me up and down to dry.

So that’s about half of the song Roadside by Rise Against, and it really does describe how I feel right about now. My girlfriend of a year and four months broke up with me yesterday. I get that things weren’t really going well between us, she couldn’t ever really communicate effectively with me anymore, and when we talked we never really talked anymore, but in the end, even though I knew things were going to Hell in a handbasket I really didn’t want it to be over.


I called her when I got home yesterday and things got really depressing really fast, and when I got off of the phone I found out that she broke up with me via facebook TWO HOURS before we even talked… and she couldn’t just tell me, she threw it out on the internet for everyone to find out before me.

And now my nightmares are real, we’re through, and I’m full of all these leftover feelings and memories that, though they’re full of happiness, feel more like some kind of cruel joke. “Happy16th month anniversary Morguean, we’re over. ” Yeah, leave me at the roadside babe, I lost you long ago anyway. You go be with your friend that stabbed us both in the back.

Adding a little Artfulness

“If you live freely, you will live fully.”


Every morning I wake up, normally do some crunches, eat, hop in the shower, and then sleep another half hour before I get up and get ready for school.

Frankly, it’s boring

I should be waking up every morning to a thrilling theme song, do some p90x, eat roast pheasant ot the barbecued haunch of a dragon, bathe in a waterfall, and fly a jetpac to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Hmm… not so much.

Well I have an adorable little sister named Rhiannon that I love like a meth head loves Mexican drug cartels, and she always gives me a hug before I go off to school. So I think from now on I’ll do my normal routine, but instead of going to sleep I think I will throw on some music, get ready for school, and laugh and play with my little sister. Because childhood is an art I’d like to brighten my dreary mornings with.

Exploring Insanity

So we were doing an exercise today in Advanced Comp. where we pick a topic and explore it, and I chose madness because it’s something that has long fascinated me, right?  Well I sent out my little soul probe of poeticness and came back with something I didn’t expect:


Go inside the Sound of Madness

See the mountains upside down

Hear the colors whisper lies

Smell the fear in Demon town

A hazy mist of dim rememberance

cursed with angels screaming tears

the world is burning with wicked sweetness

a livewire sparking joys and fears

Smell the musk of age and sorrow

hear the sobs of nameless loves

see the end of peace tomorrow

the burning husks of seven doves.

Dance with lovers long forgotten

lose the wife you still posess

and until the pierced one one shuts the curtain

you sing decay as you flirt with death

My Life as a Gonk Droid



If you’ve seen the movies or played any of the games, you’ve seen them: the not-so-illustrious Gonk droid. Square body and just walking reallllllllyy slowly in the fabulous world of star wars.

Star Wars day, FDHS, February 24th, 7:45 a.m.

I marched steadily to the art room, nerdy determination flashing in my eyes, the jealousy of my friends Darth Vader outfit flashing in my soul. My other friend, an annoying, interesting, but slightly girl like senior was armed with cardboard and an exacto knife, and thus, the journey began. When eight ‘o clock rolled around our geekish masterpiece was completed, a cardboard box I could wear, so I took a sharpie and painstakingly… drew on the features of the undernoticed Gonk droid…..

FDHS, remainder of the day

Now, I should have seen this coming, but unfortunately I did not. Throughout the day my box was battered by hands, I was told to remove it, one really REALLY mean kid tried to push me down the stairs because the box had no arm holes, and I but barely persevered.

Now, as I said, I should have seen this coming. The Gonk droid is the most abused thing in the Star Wars universe, it’s constantly blown up, kicked around, and not noticed. In the games it’s always under laser fire, slashed with lightsabers, hit with Sith lightning, and all other sorts of catastrophes, and in Lego Star Wars it’s actually a common practice to set the Gonk droid as your partner character just so you attack it over and over again. In short, being a Gonk droid in general is fraught with perils, but being a cardboard Gonk droid in a high school that’s in an agricultural area….? That’s a feat equivalent to the seven labors my friend, and one I shall not so hastily attempt again.

What Can You Teach Me?

Ego (To the Stones): What can you teach me?
Stones: We can teach you patience and strength
Ego (To the Fire): What can you teach me?
Fire: We can teach you power, wrath, and madness.
Ego (To the Wind): What can you teach me?
Wind: We can teach you freedom and persistence
Ego (To the Water): What can you teach me?
Water: We can teach you calmness and grace.
Ego (To the Trees): What can you teach me?
Trees: We can teach you growth and stillness.
Ego (To the Light): What can you teach me?
Light: We can teach you radiance and warmth
Ego (To the Darkness): What can you teach me?
Darkness: We can teach you subtlety and secrecy
Ego (To the Devil): What can you teach me?
The Devil: I can teach you the part that you hide.
Ego (To God): What can you teach me?
God: I can teach you your virtues.
Ego (To the Nothingness): What can you teach me?
Nothingness: Everything.

Dear Someone

Dear Someone,
I love you with all my heart, all my soul, all my mind, and all of my third toenail. It is rather lonely weather we are having today in my heart, in fact, the sense of being alone hangs upon it like a thick, unpleasant smog. In other lights, I am reading a very interesting book, and I believe that I should like to read the Book of the Dead soon, though how I’m going to cram that in between all my thoughts of you I haven’t the faintest idea.

Hugs and Kisses,

(P.S. there’s at least two others who seem to have run off with my heart. How in the name of all things wholesome one could have so many hearts, I have not the faintest idea, nor do I have the haziest notion of how to get these back. Hopefully it does not inconvenience you! I send you my love <3 xoxoxo)

Mistmorn Drive

A bleak, gravel driveway: dark and cold. Sunlight barely penetrating the clouds in a chilled and misty light. I shiver as goose bumps rise upon my skin, and I shake with cold as I look out onto the streets.

To the left of me is outwards: out of the subdivision, out of home, out of the sight of flashing, loving, paranoid eyes. To the right, the street goes up a hill where I know my friend lies in wait for the bus in his own driveway, whereas I wait in the driveway of another. Forward, however, is a different story. Although the road climbs a steep hill, before it reaches the beginning of it, there is a right turn that is marked by a green sign bearing the title “Mistmorn Dr.”

“That way lies home”, I think. As I’m waiting for the bus, I eye the cold, pale grass, of the yards of cold, pale houses that belong to cold, pale people with eyes that are cold and pale themselves. I suck in my breath in a slow, steady drag, as the sharp air fills my lungs… and I let it out, a plume of watery smoke swirling out into the frigid air. I muse for a moment that I’d like to blow a smoke ring, then I laugh at the idea of it changing colors and the world doesn’t seem so pale anymore.

Instead the world is filled with the ethereal, gray shine of fey mists, and I blow out smoke in defiance of the frigid world. I burst into bubbles of laughter as I feel the universe around me, as close as the womb, “We are one”.

I smile as the harsh, shrill whistle of the school bus’s approach alerts me to pick up my book bag, and suddenly… everything’s okay in the world again.